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Critique request "Summerdays"

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Critique request "Summerdays"

Post by AngieVX on Sun Jun 26, 2016 2:39 am

Hi, everyone! Could you guys write your opinion on the first chapter, if it's clear what's going on, and what it needs to be more catchy and attractive to readers!
https://tapastic.com/episode/81557

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Re: Critique request "Summerdays"

Post by AngieVX on Mon Jun 27, 2016 2:29 am

Thank you!
The reason for that description is because I'm bad at descriptions!

Thanks for mentioning the poem, it means a lot to me, as for staring into space, it's actually how it's planned.
It was my first action scene, and it was really fun but also challenging, if I have time I'll probably fix some movements, I really enjoy drawing action scenes, but I don't want them to be just action, I want them to serve the script.

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Re: Critique request "Summerdays"

Post by keii4ii on Mon Jun 27, 2016 7:52 pm

This is coming from someone who usually reads stories with a more grounded vibe, so some of my points may not be 100% in line with what you're going for. Take it with a grain of salt!

Clarity-wise, I get the gist of what's going on: there are two suspicious guys following a woman, and the little girl (and her mom) are trying to interfere without making a scene. But there are panels where I'm completely lost. The "hi there, we're new here. can you... la la la" panel, for example. I can't tell how that's relevant to what's going on?

The bonus page at the end also threw me off XD I didn't realize it was a bonus page for a long time. Maybe put "end of chapter 1" and "bonus page" between the end of chapter 1 and the beginning of the bonus page, instead of noting it at the very end? I thought that was supposed to be the continuation of the story, and I spent a long time trying to figure out how that was connected. "huh? What's going on? Is this a flashback???" XD;;;

Hope that helps!

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Re: Critique request "Summerdays"

Post by AngieVX on Wed Jul 13, 2016 11:11 am

@keii4ii Thank you! You've mentioned a lot of things I was thinking about and was worried about, it's really helpful, thank you for being honest and sincere, it means a lot to me, and thank you for reading my comic!

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Re: Critique request "Summerdays"

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